Looking back at the girl that I was a mere two years ago is comparative to watching myself through another person’s eyes. I don’t recognize her. Her days were pleasant but not fulfilling. Her smile present but rarely genuine. I feel sorry for her, sorry because she was missing out on an existence that is more than worth its weight in gold. It seems melodramatic until you actually live that kind of life; it is something you have to experience yourself in order to fully comprehend.
I am no longer that girl. I no longer stay awake at night wondering about whether my breakfast, lunch, and dinner were perfectly healthy. I no longer spend my weekends by myself, afraid to socialize for fear that food may be involved. I no longer let my fears impede me from being the me I’ve always dreamt of, but never thought I could be. And for that I am forever grateful.
In the past two months alone, I have laughed until my abs hurt more nights than not. Who needs crunches when you have people in your life that make you question how on earth you become so lucky to call them your friends? They have made me realize that the way I look does not reflect who I am as a person. My pant size says nothing about my generosity, and the food I eat will never even come close to defining my self-worth. I have found my people. And through them I have found myself.
This is self-love. It is not egoism or conceit, but something much more powerful. Contrary to the stigma, this kind of self-respect is vital to our own happiness, and we cannot appreciate those around us until we can accept ourselves.
Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be living this life, yet here I am. Life is unpredictable and exhilarating and seemingly improbable at times. I have had days where getting out of bed was the last thing I wanted to do. I’ve had countless meals that I didn’t think I could get through. And I’ve looked in the mirror for far too many years and cried, ashamed of the person looking back at me. But no more. I am no longer that girl.
I am now a girl who loves herself. Therein those few words, the impossible was made possible. What a feat.
Cheers to all that 2017 has to bring.